Monthly Musings – March’s Mind Shift

Wherever you are in the world,

Happy, wondrous and joyous Easter!

Whether you’re getting a few days or two weeks holiday, I pray you are safe, with friends and or family, and enjoying time out from the everyday and focusing on the extraordinary.

Which is something I have been focusing on lately.

24 years ago I was in Bible College desperately seeking God, wanting to get closer to him. But I felt the more I strived and tried, the further I fell, the more mistakes I made, and slip ups I slid into. During this time of extreme frustration, which had me teetering into self-loathing – I heard the voice of God say,

You said what?

The weirdness of this comment was enough to pull me out of my pity-party and had me replying, “Are you serious? Here I am pouring my heart out to you, and you tell me to just eat vegetables?”

When I didn’t hear anything more, I dived into my Bible rereading the story of Daniel. Regardless of what I thought of chapter one at the time, as opposed to what I believe now, it’s enough to say that I felt God was calling me into the discipline of fasting in order to grow spiritually.

What followed was a two and half year season of poorly executed, legalistic, fast of veganism. Even to this day I’m not quite sure if it actually achieved anything, except a greater appreciation of dairy and meat. However, at this point in my life, I find myself in a similar situation, not regarding veganism, but rather the practice of fasting in the pursuit of God and desiring to get closer to him… to hear his voice.

Surely not all addictions are bad?

In my last email, I commented that my phone had become an addiction. And for the month of February I had put it down. And as a result, felt very proud of myself. However, shortly after, because I was confident my addiction was under control, I felt capable of allowing just one puzzle a day. Which inevitably led to 2 because… seriously, how bad could a few minutes relaxing with two puzzles be, right? Then, how about three? I mean, three is just one more than two. Then, how about I only do the NYT daily puzzles, as a treat, when everything else is done? Surely that isn’t a bad thing. Is it?

No, it’s not.

Well, not for everyone.

I reiterate, there is nothing wrong with puzzles. Or taking time out. It’s just not optimal for me.

All along I felt that putting the addiction away… down… at a distance… was a challenge from God to help me grow and be a better version of me. Because it was… is an addiction. A negative. But as a true addict, if I keep holding it it in this space, I will always be inclined to fall back in through the door, deluding myself that I can manage it in my own strength. Because, as we’ve already determined, there is nothing wrong with puzzles, I wasn’t hurting anyone, and I wasn’t breaking any laws.

I was then reminded of the spiritual discipline of fasting.

When I moved this behaviour from a negative and shifted into a choice, it became a positive. And since that day I have found it a lot easier to not pick it up, revert to, or cling to puzzles… or reels, as a crutch and a go-to for a “well deserved break”. And, instead of being legalistic about it, I’m able to put it into the category of an invitation to be a better me. In this space I’m in a better place to sit with and hear God. I am accepting his invitation to “check in” rather than “check out” with mind-numbing habits.

And God has been speaking… and moving… and challenging… and healing… and restoring.

One are the passages I received was Exodus 19:4-6a
And another was Deuteronomy 5:15

There is a lot more here than just, “Remember the Sabbath”. But for now it is enough to share this has had a significant impact on me.

So, now we are at the end of March I can report, by the grace of God, I have moved further into a space of stillness, where peace abounds and the well of God‘s capacity and boundlessness surrounds me. Life is not perfect: I still struggle; get frustrated, tired… exhausted. But these times are less, and I am learning to see them from a different perspective. I am at peace and have found I am dipping my toes in the well of joy again.

However, rather than delegating the Sabbath to just one day a week, I have found true and rich blessings in the discipline of carving out a sabbath-space each day.

How about you?

Have you ever tried something like this? Are you someone who gravitates to fasting to get closer to God and hear his voice?

I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts.

In other news, despite being wet (we have had several inches of rain this month) and windy (a few tall, dead gums have decided to have a little lie down over our roof… and power cables) March, the month that was:

I’m almost at the halfway point in time, and not quite a quarter of my way through the edit of book five with so much going on. Hoping to finish well in the month of April.
My two classes from Lowood’s Extended Writers Program joined me for a day exploring the Cobb & Co museum in Toowoomba for inspiration for their next term’s piece
The Somerset writers Group book “Return” is printed and ready to make its way into the world.
We have been busy clearing and burning the remnants of the fallen trees and cleaning up all the debris from the destruction. But we are well, safe and still have power. Praise God!

Enough about me, how has your April applied itself?
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