It was June. Yes. June. Six months into the year and Claire still hadn’t quite got round to starting her New Year’s project: Operation, “Skinny Me”. Obviously, she’d thought about it. She’d even purchased a beautiful leather-bound diary to help. But it seemed she’d just woken up that morning with the year half gone. But Claire was committed. This year, it was going to happen. If only it wasn’t so hard. And painful. And boring.
Thankfully Google was there to help. It must have been listening when she was having a whinge session with her sister. Although, why she ever tried explaining any of her woes to “angelic Angela” was beyond her. Especially considering her horrid sibling stole all their mother’s thin genes leaving none for her. The universe was simply savage and that’s all there was to it.
As was her routine, Claire opened the internet to search for her best horoscope options for the day. Like all savvy women, Claire new the value of shopping around. Eventually she found what she was looking for, “Today, all your dreams will come true in an unexpected fashion”. Her two most favourite things—dreams coming true and fashion. It had to be a sign. And that’s when she saw it. The advertising panel in her horoscope feed introduced her to, The Fast Track App. It was the latest thing in intermittent fasting and guaranteed success.
Claire was sold. She downloaded the app. Immediately warmth of her future success spread from her plum-tinted hair roots to her candy pink toenails. She already felt thinner, and she hadn’t even started. Victory was hers. Well, it would be, very soon. She could taste it like last night’s Tiramisu.
Next, she started learning all about Intermittent Fasting and how the Fast Track App was going to save her life (and her waistline) without dieting, exercise or changing any of her habits. And best of all, she was going to lose weight whilst she slept. It was like her two most favourite things—sleeping and losing weight—met, had a love child, and called it Fast Track.
She decided then and there she would never insult the universe ever again. Finally, it had offered her something of significant worth. For free. Feeling magnanimous, Claire accepted both, the universe’s apology for being so nasty, and its early birthday present. Brushing biscuit crumbs off her flannel pyjamas, Claire threw back the covers, and harrumphed out of bed. She couldn’t believe Tim Tams were on special at the Co-op yesterday. It was like the contrite universe was going so far as to even supply treats for her up-coming party.
Energised by the promise of a non-restrictive diet, Claire went straight to the kitchen to fuel up on breakfast pizza. She had so much to do, she didn’t have time for all that small print. Especially when she’d glanced words such as, “can’t”, “don’t” and “won’t”. And worst of all, something about waiting? It was all pish. She absolutely would not let that negativity dampen her sparkle. No. Today was the day she could have her cake and eat it too. Claire was going smash all her weight loss goals with her most favourite thing ever—the Fast Track App.
